Papa Dune’s “5 HOLIDAY SHOPPING TIPS”

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(Me doing my best Clark W. Griswald.)

The Holidays are fun, but let’s be real here, they can also be stressful as F’K.  I can hear that cash register sucking away your hard earned cash now…CHA-CHHIING!  

But Poppa Dune is here for you, so I’ve listed 5 tips to help get you through: 

1) BEAT THE CROWDS.

Have you been to Coscto on a Sunday? Sh*t is a war zone. Ain’t nobody got time for dat. Plus your probably not insured for a shopping cart collision with that 73 year old Ukrainian woman who just ran over your foot.

I learned one valuable lesson from my Costco shopping experiences that I’ve transferred over to Holiday shopping, go on a weekday morning. Old people don’t like to shop early in the morning, in fact, no one likes to shop early in the morning.

I know I know, you work during the week…which leads me to my next tip…

2) TAKE A SICK DAY, or TWO. 

Yep, plain and simple. The holidays make everyone sick anyway. This tip works very well with Tip 1). Your sanity deserves it.

3) ENHANCE WITH COCKTAILS.

Add a little tilt to an otherwise drab Mall scene. Got for it. Your not going into work anyway.

This tip happens to flow very well with Tips 1) and 2). See?! I got you.

4) THE INTERNET IS YOUR FRIEND. 

Amazon Prime baby, get that extra shopping you missed done online. Free shipping, no maddening lines, no depressing Mall Muzak, no shopping cart accidents. In fact, I ain’t mad at ya if you do ALL your Holiday shopping online. Just make sure your kids don’t have box cutters handy when them packages show up.

5) SANTA IS A BLACK MAN. 

The sooner we can all accept this, the sooner we can all move on.

In all seriousness, I hope you all have a great and blessed holiday season. Don’t get too stressed, print my tips if you need a laugh, and remember, it’s for DA KIDS! 

Peace!

Chris 

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Moms and me in a B-Boy stance at Glendale Galleria, whut whut?!?

 


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