Products of My Procrastination: Hangover Edition

This column provides a peek inside the procrastinating mind of a fashion-addicted, financially deficient college student.

Well, it’s the first day of school and, in an attempt to pretend I’m not actually in an academic environment, I am reporting to you live from the back row of my 200-person lecture. I’ve been back in college land for a little over a week now and so far its’ been a combination of soccer-induced exhaustion and alcohol-induced hangovers. Since no one really cares about my athletic endeavors, let’s talk about the latter.

Hangovers, like great style, are earned not given. And I’d like to think I’ve worked hard at both of these things during my brief 21 years on this planet. Historically, hangovers and great style have been mutually exclusive entities. Thankfully for you guys, my professor is the most boring person ever so I have dreamt up a formula for staying fresh, even when you’re feeling your worst.

Great Sunnies– Forget those fake Ray-Bans someone was handing out on campus and get a pair of shades that will actually prevent your headache from exacerbating.


Tee-Shirt– Don’t overthink this one. That button-down you wore last night smells terrible and you’re going to have to muster up the focus to button like at least 4 buttons to look moderately presentable in public. Keep it stupid simple with a basic tee.


Elastic Waistband– You’re going to need to conserve all the energy you can in order to walk down the street and stand in line for a breakfast burrito. Like your button-down, don’t waste that energy on unnecessary zippers and buttons. With that being said, try and stay away from your high school gym-shorts. No one cares that your mascot was a flying cougar or whatever.


A Beverage– Arguably the most important accessory of your hangover fit. Everyone has a go-to hangover beverage (coffee, Gatorade, water, bloody mary, etc…). No matter your preference, make sure it is accessible at all times.

Footwear That You Can Slip On– I cannot stress this one enough. If can’t slip them on, leave them on the shelf. Or if you’re like me, scattered on the floor.


Oh yeah, if you were too intoxicated to take off your socks before you passed out make sure to rock them to breakfast.

Talk Soon,

Jake, The Hungover Intern




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